Black Hand Productions

You have to admit that at least former Vice President Dick Cheney played the part well.  When you’re considered the quintessential bad guy you damn well better be wearing a Black Hat.  Cheney sure didn’t disappoint by wearing one to the Inauguration and he had a cane.  What are the odds the cane had one of those retractable blades in it?.

It’s good to see everyone is playing their part today.

For those keeping score at home here’s Supercop Patrick J. Fitzgerald’s record:

• Governors:  2-0
• Vice President’s Chief of Staff: 1-0
• Reporters: 5-0
• Canadian Media Moguls: 1-0
• Mafia Bosses:  1-0
• Terrorist Masterminds: 1-0
• Chicago City Clerk: 1-0
• Real Estate Tycoon: 1-0

That’s 12-0.  In other words he’s a 9 on the Badass Scale.

* NY Times Profile here.

To me this video is simply fascinating.  These guys are literally laughing at this guy… literally laughing as if he is wearing one of those placards that says the world is going to end.  As I am currently (and subtly) searching for a home I would love some to explain to me why this statement is illogical:

If a home can raise $35,000 in value in 14 months it can drop $35,000 in value in 25 months.

For more on this read this.

I believe after fixing the Economic Meltdown, catching that terrorist mastermind and ending the fiasco in Iraq… the college football post season is the next pressing matter facing our nation.

There is a precedent for Presidents weighing in on College Football; some successful and disastrous.

1. 1905:  Teddy Roosevelt calls Harvard, Yale and Princeton to a White House summit to address the violence in the early game.
2. 1969:  Richard Nixon attended to the Texas – Arkansas game and declared the winner the National Champion after the game before the polls were released the next week.

*** Penn State was 22-0 at the time and had just won the Orange Bowl so for the President to ‘declare’ a national champion by presenting a plaque to the Texas team after the game didn’t sit too well with Joe Paterno:

“I don’t understand how Richard Nixon could know so much about college football in 1969 and so little about Watergate in 1973.” Paterno, said in June of 1973.

Here’s to hoping for a playoff, I’m in the plus one category myself.

It’s been a long and dark 8 years.  Now we move on.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

I would have to say 4 years ago this would seem as the most unlikely possibility.  A far cry from this.  But yet, here we are.

Joshua Milton Blahyi otherwise known as General Butt Naked testified in front of Liberia’s Truth and Reconciliation Commission regarding his activities during Liberia’s Civil War.  Gen. Naked said he is responsible for 20,000 deaths and urged other former Warlords to come forward:

“I could be electrocuted. I could be hanged. I could be given any other punishment,” the 37-year-old Blahyi said in a weekend interview following his truth commission appearance last week. “But I think forgiveness and reconciliation is the right way to go.

“I have been looking for an opportunity to tell the true story about my life — and every time I tell people my story, I feel relieved.”

Gen. Naked got his name by charging into battle wearing nothing but  a pair of boots.

As I write this there are two ancient clans of Gypsy‘s in a turf war in Southern California. What’s at stake? Control of the lucrative fortunetelling trade. The gypsy’s had a fragile truce until the leader of the Stevens clan died of a sudden heart attack. The rival Merino clan smelled blood and attempted a brutal power grab:

Things were calm for months until the Stevens patriarch died of a heart attack at age 53 last May. Edward “Davie” Merino showed up at the funeral, pulling up at the cemetery in a limo with what was described as a menacingly burly chauffeur.

Merino says members of the Stevens clan attacked him and screamed, “We will make your life a living hell!” But the Stevens claim that Merino flashed a gun and threatened to “come back and kill all of you.” Both sides agree that before speeding off, Merino shouted that he wanted to make sure “the motherfucker was dead.”

As you can imagine this didn’t sit well. This all goes back to when the Merino Clan tried to setup two fortunetelling shops in Orange County which everyone knows is Stevens Clan territory. The Stevens Clan immediately demanded $500,000 up front and $5,000 a week or else. Being that they’re Gypsy’s the Merino Clan refused and both of their shops were broken into and ransacked the next day. Breaking the Old World Rules of Honor the Merino Clan went to the police and tried to press charges. The Stevens Clan backed down.

Now that the leader of the Stevens Clan is gone Edward “Davie” Merino is kicking ass and taking names.

I love a good Gypsy fight.

God bless Yahoo News. Kasey G. Kazee, of Ashland, KY, has been accused of being the “Duct Tape Bandit”. What is the “Duct Tape Bandit” you ask? Well, of course it’s a man who wraps his head in Duct Tape and robs liquor stores. Why would one wrap their entire head in Duct Tape you ask? Simply put, because they reside below the mason-dixon line. Kazee was of course caught and beaten, here’s where Yahoo News runs with it:

Shamrock Liquors store manager Bill Steele had some duct tape of his own, but his was wrapped around a wooden club that sent the robber fleeing, according to a report by WSAZ-TV in Huntington, WV.

Store employee Craig Miller said he chased the man to the parking lot, tackled him and held him in a choke hold until police arrived. A customer also helped, police said.

Brilliant…  Bottle to Throttle.

What’s Space travel without a little alcohol and sabotage?

NASA has released two reports that claim Astronauts on more than one occasion were drunk before liftoff and that recently a computer was sabotaged. Awesome.

Aviation Week & Space Technology reported on its Web site that a special panel studying astronaut health found that on two occasions, astronauts were allowed to fly after flight surgeons and other astronauts warned they were so drunk they posed a safety risk.

The independent panel also found “heavy use of alcohol” before launch — within the standard 12-hour “bottle-to-throttle” rule, the magazine reported.

What is “Bottle-to-throttle”? I’m going to start using this term and make sure it takes. Whenever I’m in a hurry: “Let’s go, the game is starting. Bottle-to-throttle.”

This whole episode just proves there is no reason for a man space program. These guys don’t even fly the ‘ship’ they just sit on top of the rocket.

Bottle-to-throttle.

92-year-old Kathryn Johnston did not going softly into the night. After three undercover police officers kick down her door Johnston did want any self respecting woman that’s been around for nearly a century would do… take a few of them with her.

Johnston managed to shot three of the officers before meeting her own demise. She got off three shots, hitting one cop in the arm, another in a thigh and the third in a shoulder.

The Assistant Chief Alan Dreher said the officers had a legal warrant and “knocked and announced” before they forced open the door. He said they were justified in shooting once they were fired upon.

Now I can see where a 92-year-old woman might not get confused that in the middle of the night three men in plain clothes busting down her door are actually police officers. Espically when they have guns drawn.

Here’s to Kathryn Johnston, not taking shit from nobody.