This past weekend I got my George W. Bush Apology Check. For those who have know idea what I’m talking about it’s the check from the President that says:
Sorry for ruining your country for the past seven and a half years, please take this money. I know it’s small but it’s the most I could do considering the current state of things.
Honestly, I’m sorry.
My bad.
What I find most ironic about my Apology Check is that it was issued from the Treasury Department’s Austin, Texas office.
The Scientists are at it again. This time inserting tiny chips into the brains of monkeys. The goal of this test you ask? To see if the monkeys can use mind control to manipulate a mechanical arm. Sounds like a good idea to me… if you want to create an army of super monkey cyborgs.
Two monkeys with tiny sensors in their brains have learned to control a mechanical arm with just their thoughts, using it to reach for and grab food and even to adjust for the size and stickiness of morsels when necessary, scientists reported on Wednesday.
After several days, the monkeys needed no help. They sat stationary in a chair, repeatedly manipulating the arm with their brain to reach out and grab grapes, marshmallows and other nuggets dangled in front of them. The snacks reached the mouths about two-thirds of the time — an impressive rate, compared with earlier work.
The monkeys learned to hold the grip open on approaching the food, close it just enough to hold the food and gradually loosen the grip when feeding.
On several occasions, a monkey kept its claw open on the way back, with the food stuck to one finger. At other times, a monkey moved the arm to lick the fingers clean or to push a bit of food into its mouth while ignoring a newly presented morsel.
The animals were apparently freelancing, discovering new uses for the arm, showing “displays of embodiment that would never be seen in a virtual environment,” the researchers wrote.
It is never good when animals are freelancing with robots.
Never.
The Louisiana State Penitentiary has at least one Black Bear living on the prison grounds. One might ask how the 400 pound bear was able to gain access to this ‘maximum security prison’:
“I love that bear being right where it is,” Warden Burl Cain said Monday. “I tell you what, none of our inmates are going to try to get out after dark and wander around when they might run into a big old bear. It’s like having another guard at no cost to the taxpayer.”
This statement leaves me with so many questions for Warden Burl Cain I really don’t know where to begin.
If you have any questions you would like to ask Warden Burl Cain you can reach him at (225) 655-2002.
