On Wednesday my colleague ‘Hollywood’ and I embarked on what was surely an epic journey to New York City. Never one to take Epic’s lightly we decided to make the trip more memorable by taking a Train the majority of the way. Now I know most of you would assume this would be a mistake… you would be correct. I highly recommend everyone take a train ride for at least 10 hours once in their life. Without this experince you cannot fully appreciate my complete and utter hatred for Amtrak. It got to the point where we spent at least 2 hours working on a new Amtrak marketing plan, which included the following slogans:
When you aboslultey have to be there by next Tuesday: AMTRAK.
We know it sucks but some one had to be responsible for rail traffic in the lower 48: AMTRAK.
Got Urine? AMTRAK
Now they’re swearing at you: AMTRAK
Not going anywear in awhile? Neither are we: AMTRAK
We’re sorry ahead of time: AMTRAK
Amish Pimping: AMTRAK
Driven to Murder: AMTRAK
LA to New York, What the fuck were you thinking: AMTRAK
Sit back, hiebernate: AMTRAK
We stayed in the Belnord Hotel which included… well absolutely nothing. I’m pretty sure they built the room around the bed because there was no way to get the bed into the room without defying the laws of physics. As Neil later learned the Belnord also utilized a self-checkout system which included a complimentary key for the road.
Our trip also required a stay at the exclusive
All and all the first day of the journey began on Wednesday, leaving Columbus at around 4:00pm and ended when we hit Uniontown, PA at about 7:30pm. As many of my loyal readers know Uniontown, PA is famous (or infamous) for the Mount Vernon Inn. So it was rather heart wrenching to learn that it was reduced to rubble just two days before my visit. Many beverages of varying quality were drank in the now defunct Mount Vernon Inn.
The real part of the trip didn’t being until Thursday morning when I train left the station in Pittburgh around 7:00am and didn’t reach New York’s Penn Station until nearly 6:00pm. Needless to say it was one hell of ride.
The City: We had a great time at what I’m pretty sure was the 7th Annual Beach Party which our guests graciosly invited us too. As you can tell by the photographs beer was drank, smoores were eaten and friends were made. Yours truly managed to pitch a tent, run in a beer relay and with the help of my colleague carry a cooler full of beer what seemed like 5 miles in the sand.
All and all we had a great trip, some would say an Epic Trip. I managed to try Greek food for the first time which included Souvlaki. I know many of you reading this at home didn’t actually believe I had room in my palette for such a dish. Stand corrected.
I’d like to say thanks to our gracious hosts:
Brian in Uniontown, PA who gave us a tour of the WBMS radio station and hooked us up with some t-shirts.
Julie in NYC and all her friends who showed us a great time.
A couple side notes:
Along with my various other sporting accolades and continuing my long standing tradition of being a Backyard Hero I managed to acquire the World Record in Beach Paddle Ball (with the help of Hollywood of course).
One last thing: I never had to use the line:
I’m from Ohio, I’m not fucking Retarded.
